well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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