I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
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So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
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He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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