She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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