i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
