I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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