If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
