I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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