So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
