dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
