yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
