4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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