i came on her dog
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
