i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
