dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
