Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
