bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
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She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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