I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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