every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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