I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
