im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
