I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
