my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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