He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
