I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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