I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize