He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
