I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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