I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Bring me that man meat
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
