so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
