first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize