i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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