Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
