Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
