I wish I could teleport
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
