come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize