return my video game
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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