you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
