How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
