I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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