drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
