I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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