remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
