If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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