im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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