Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize