Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
