Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
porn star boner night. come get it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Come share oat with me in your robe
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
