You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
