she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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