let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
