i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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