I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
