I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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