I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
