We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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