See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
