you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
