i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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