Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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