I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
