he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
