True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
