U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Barsexuality is the new black.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
