non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
