Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
