He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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