Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
