when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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