remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
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There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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