i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
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