Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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