I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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