Say something about gay babies.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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