I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
